Black Men's Stressful Process

Black men's 'stressful process' - Race in America - MSNBC.com

Thanks to Carlton Taylor for this blog entry

This is a thought provoking article about the mechanics black men have to go through to make others comfortable with them and to overcome stereotypes and negative perceptions.

As I read through the article, certain things resonate with me, particularly when I consider my corporate experiences of years ago and my physical appearance of being a big man with a dark complexion. Those experiences were the primary reasons why I decided to open my own business.

Personally, while I believe that professionalism in business settings is always appropriate, I don't believe in accommodating and jumping through a bunch of hoops to make someone else comfortable. To my way of thinking, that's allowing someone else's problem to become mine. I simply don't believe in that and reject that as a premise. Instead, I believe in just being who I am and letting others make whatever adjustments they need to make to accommodate me.

Of course, my perspective is different since I'm self employed and don't have to play the "game".

We often fall into a trap or box specifically designed for us by assuming that other people have more control over what happens to us than we do. This is the main reason for all of the jumping through hoops and etc to accomodate everyone else.

We need to assume control. Reality is what we project it to be. If we want a different reality, then we need to do something different.

I think we as black men need to concentrate less on gaining acceptance of others and expend more effort to gain respect, starting with respecting ourselves. To my way of thinking, if we view ourselves positively, others have no choice but to view us as we view ourselves. That's a far different cry from viewing oneself based wholly on how someone else is perceiving you.

Where possible, more of us need to be in more independent stance where we're not as reliant on the jobs we're bending over backwards about to make folks "comfortable". This doesn't necessarily mean starting a business; it could mean just living well below one's means so you're more financially flexible. A good portion of the job related stress comes from the knowledge that one has obligations while living from paycheck to paycheck. If obligations are minimal, stress tends to be substantially reduced and the foolishness on the job can be looked upon as just that rather than a threat to your ability to survive financially.